Okay, so after a brief absence from cyberspace, I am back.

What's that you ask? Why haven't I been supplying you with your regular dose of cynical, indiscrimate, irrevent and unapologetic sarcasm for the past two months? How 'bout I just go ahead and summarize?

Two continents, six countries, 12 flights, eight airports, an obscene amount of airport security screenings, one thorough pat down, seven customs interrogations, $850 of overweight baggage fees, three lost bags (twice), eight hotels, one burnt carpet, a noticeable amount of burnt hair, one destroyed hair straightener, two launched websites, one rebranded real estate company, two speeches, one existential crisis, one dirndl-wearing, refusing-to-go-to-church Christmas with the in-laws, one subsequent existential crisis, two cases of jet lag, 62 training runs, seven Europa Cup races, one call up to compete in my first Intercontinental Cup circuit race, seven extremely challenging days, an ill-advised amount of alcoholic beverages, and one final existential crisis.

But mostly, I've just been sitting around watching Brett Michael's Rock of Love and the occasional episode of Tool Academy ...

On commercial breaks, however, I did manage to accumulate eight trophies, three medals, one second-place overall Europa Cup title, a 31st-place world ranking and a fifth-place Intercontinental Cup debut.

So, could we maybe call it even?